


looking at it now

by flusteredkeith (the_silverdoe), the_silverdoe



Series: the juniberry and her blade [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Timeline, Canon Universe, Conflict Resolution, F/M, Gen, Keith and Allura video chat during s4, Season 4 events, and work stuff out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 08:03:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12883557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_silverdoe/pseuds/flusteredkeith, https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_silverdoe/pseuds/the_silverdoe
Summary: It felt like they were always saying sorry.Keith and Allura work out their misunderstandings.





	looking at it now

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I am finally back on my bullshit with the Kallura fics! I've been thinking a lot about them after S4, with all the emotional tension and conflict, and have been meaning to write something for a while now.
> 
> So this fic was mainly inspired by my friend breeeliss's tumblr post [here](http://breeeliss.tumblr.com/post/166407801609/i-know-the-show-like-wouldve-never-gone-into-this) where Allura and Keith work out some misunderstandings over video chat while they're apart. Later on, cherryandsisters pointed out that Keith and Allura often try to do the best for each other, but end up hurting each other more, which I totally resonated with and thought about more. And now, here we are.
> 
> Special thanks to [rhapsodyinpink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhapsodyinpink/pseuds/rhapsodyinpink) for reading it over!
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!

His heart weighs heavy in his chest. Every step he takes towards the hangar doors seems to cost him a great effort. Like a broken record, the last thirty minutes of his life replays over and over in his head — the explosion, the debris, the cut at his side, his near-death, Kolivan’s downcast face, _Regris_ —

Keith sucks in his breath. The entrance to the castle draws near. He can’t explain it, but he has to get it together by the time he walks through those doors. Whatever burdens he’s experienced with the Blade need to be kept separate from the Castle of Lions. They do not belong here.

In an attempt to clear his mind, Keith gathers his thoughts and refocuses.

_The mission is more important than the individual._

Every member of the Blade understands this. By now, Keith should too.

But no matter how many times Kolivan repeats this mantra, Keith feels like he’s failed his teammate. A million _what-if’s_ cross his mind. What if he hadn’t suggested to go in? What if he had seen it was a decoy from a mile away? What if he had grabbed Regris earlier? What if—

 _It doesn’t matter anymore,_ he tells himself. It’s over. They’ll have to take their losses and continue their pursuit of the larger mission. The sooner they stop Lotor, the closer they’ll be to ending this war. Hopefully, he can make sure they lose as few lives as possible.

Keith stops in the hallway just outside of the door’s sensors. It’s his last chance to shed any remaining sorrows still clinging to his chest. He knows what the team might say when they see him and he doesn’t know if he’s prepared to handle it yet.

So when he walks through the doors and sees the familiar, slender figure of Allura turning around to face him, his heart sinks even further.

How many more losses can he take before this is over?

 _“The Marmora can go on without you. They have for thousands of years. Voltron cannot._ We _cannot.”_

Logically, he can’t argue with her. Even if she hadn’t wrapped her words up in a neat, diplomatic package, her reasoning still stands. The Marmora has never needed him. Voltron does.

Or rather, it _did_.

And besides, it’s not just about who needs him more. It’s about where he belongs. And after their last mission in which Keith completely failed to lead them, his sense of belonging no longer resembles five lions coming together. Now that they have Shiro again, balance can be restored without Keith. If Shiro just reestablished his bond, Keith knows it’ll work. It has to work.

It _will_ work. And Keith will make it so.

 

* * *

 

Keith doesn’t know how much more disappointment he can take.

He’s noticed the looks his friends give him — Shiro’s furrowed eyebrows after a meeting, Lance and Pidge’s cold shoulders over the dining table, Hunk’s quickened pace whenever they pass each other in the hallway, Allura’s concerned gaze every time he catches her looking at him.

It’s clear from their last conversation that she’s expecting something he can’t deliver — _stay with us, we need you_ — but he can’t make any promises. Even if it means letting her down.

It’s not the first time he’s found himself under the shadow of her judgment. While Allura continues to smile brightly at the rest of the team, Keith finds himself lurking in dark corners around her once more. Although she no longer glares at him with the same anger and mistrust she had after learning he was Galra, her eyes still follow him with a betrayed look.

It’s the look she gives him right before he leaves Olkarion for another operation. Suited up and ready to go, Keith heads towards the Blade’s ship when he sees the team across the courtyard, handing out supplies to refugees. They’re cheerful and in their element, giving encouraging smiles and support to everyone in line. The work they are doing is important, he knows. But so is the work of the Blades.

His gaze falls upon Allura.

_The Marmora can go on without you. Voltron cannot._

We _cannot._

As much as Keith tries to let it glance off of his back, her words echo back in his ears. He’s at fault and he knows it.

And he’s about to be at fault again.

As though hearing his thoughts, Allura chooses at that moment to look up. The second their eyes meet, her smile falters. Whatever kind and caring look that was previously on her face fades away and shifts into one of hurt and surprise. Her brows furrow and her mouth parts, a simple question in her eyes.

_Why?_

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he lets his mask cover his face before she can see the apology in his expression.

_I’m sorry._

He keeps his hood up and walks on.

 

* * *

 

Too many close calls, too many narrow misses.

Too many endless arguments.

Keith bursts through the door to his room, letting it hiss shut behind him. That’s five times now that Kolivan has accused him of not thinking of the larger mission.

He knows he ought to shower before turning in — his face and his body are full of cuts and bruises after just barely escaping from the Galra cruiser’s explosion — but he can’t bring himself to care. After another scolding from Kolivan, all Keith wants to do is to hole up in his room and stew in the anger.

Curling up in his bed, Keith picks up his tablet. The moment it lights up, he sees that there are three missed calls from the Castle of Lions. A dull ache of longing spreads inside his chest as he stares at the blinking light of notifications in the corner of the screen. He imagines the team, perhaps in the lounge room, tired after a coalition show, discussing among each other that they ought to try and call Keith. The thought that they might miss him as much as he misses them cheers him up considerably, and he relaxes against his pillows as he contemplates calling them back.

Out here in space, however, time passes differently. As Keith checks the unrecognizable symbols next to the missed calls, he can’t decipher how long ago team Voltron had tried to reach him.

He sighs. As far as he knows, it’s probably too late to call back. His best option is probably to wait until tomorrow.

Just as he is about to set the tablet aside, the device vibrates in his hands with a soft ring. Excitement courses through his veins: it has to be them.

Smiling, he swipes it to answer.

With a short, chirpy hum, the video box enlarges on the tablet. Keith catches a glimpse of the bright artificial lights from inside the castle’s bridge before a familiar head of white hair fills the entire screen up.

At first, with his mind on autopilot, Keith opens his mouth without thinking to say hi. But then, as Allura tilts her head up to him with a solemn expression on her face, he realizes that she is completely alone.

The half-formed greeting never makes it out of his mouth.

“Allura?”

“Hello, Keith,” she says, her voice low and strained. “I’m sorry to call at such a late hour. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

“Don’t worry,” he reassures. “You’re not.”

She’s still in her paladin gear with her head tied up tightly in a bun, but no one else on the team is in sight or nearby. A frown tugs at his lips. He can’t think of why Allura would call him in the middle of the night without the others. To find himself completely alone with her suddenly feels foreboding.

“Is, uh, everything okay?” he asks.

“Yes, it’s just—” she frowns, eyes widening as she takes in the minor cuts and bruises on Keith’s face. “I should ask as the same of you. You look… you don’t look too well.”

“It’s nothing,” Keith says, rubbing his bruised nose subconsciously. “Just got back from an operation.” He takes a deep breath and tries to bury his earlier argument with Kolivan to the ground. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

She gives a wry smile and nods. “I’m sure.”

They hold each other’s gaze for a moment longer until Keith remembers how utterly alone they are. He hasn’t seen Allura face to face in a while, let alone in the context where the other paladins are not present, so to feel her intense gaze on him now sends a tingling wave of heat spreading up his neck.

He looks down at his lap at once.

“So, uh, what’s up?”

Allura bites her lip, focusing on a spot somewhere off to the side of the screen.

“Everything is fine.”

Her voice is wrought with tension. Keith frowns but doesn’t push the point.

“How’s everyone doing?” he asks instead.

“They’re fine,” she replies, plastering a smile on her face. “I learned something about milkshakes this week. It isn’t pleasant.”

Keith tries to suppress his laugh. “Does it involve Kaltenecker?”

“Very much so,” she shudders. “I don’t think I will ever understand Earth customs.”

“You’re telling me this after sending Hunk and I into the belly of a Webum,” Keith points out. “That’s cool.”

Allura’s tinkling laugh rings melodiously in his ears, and Keith has a sudden thought, not for the first time, how pleasant it is to listen to.

“Fair point,” she says. “Although I must say, you two did a perfectly fine job of completing the task.”

“Easy for you to say,” Keith shoots back.

“Please,” Allura grins. “I’m sure you would rather go back into the belly of the Weblum than attempt to build diplomatic relations with other planets with a smile on your face.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Keith says, throwing his hands up in the air. “You got me there.”

Allura chuckles in response before falling silent again. Keith watches her intently, waiting for her to speak. When she doesn’t, he decides to give her a little nudge.

“That’s not what you called to tell me though, is it?” he prompts her.

“No,” she sighs, looking down. “I just — I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I feel that I have been unfair to you in our last private conversation,” she says.

Keith feels a sinking sensation settle at the pit of his stomach at the memory Allura’s just brought up. He’s already had a shitty night and would prefer not to think about their past conflicts at the moment.

Rushing to push down any negative emotion that now threatens to resurface, he cuts her off right as she takes a breath before continuing.

“Allura, it’s fine,” Keith says firmly. “It’s in the past. We’re okay now.”

“No, it isn’t,” she disagrees. “At least, not completely. I just wanted to make sure everything is resolved between us.”

“It is,” Keith argues. “It has been for weeks.”

“Well,” she continues regardless of Keith’s insistence that everything is fine. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry if I made you feel like you should have chosen Voltron. I realize I might have come off as dismissive of the complicated position you were in by guilting you into believing the Marmora do not need you. It is clear that you have become an invaluable asset to them, and that their goals are more aligned with yours.”

“Yeah, I figured you were sorry about that when you all sent me off,” Keith says, starting to feel annoyed. “Look, I appreciate you telling me this, but it’s honestly all water under the bridge.”

“I just didn’t want to leave things unexplained,” she offers. “It felt wrong to not at least discuss it, in case there are any residual hard feelings lying beneath the surface.”

“Well, there is now, now that you’ve brought it back up,” Keith tells her. He has no idea where the irritation is coming from. Perhaps it’s the sour mood he’s already been in this entire day but regardless of what it is, something in him flares up. “Because if either of us have residual hard feelings, it’s clear now that it isn’t me.”

“What? No,” Allura assures. “I just wanted to say I am happy for you.”

“Are you though?” he asks. “Because why did you bring up this conversation? Was it for _my_ peace of mind, or for yours?”

Allura pauses mid-breath with her mouth open. She closes it upon hearing Keith’s words, then opens it again.

“I—” she begins, before closing her mouth again and biting her bottom lip. She looks down at her hands with a somber expression as she gathers her thoughts together.

“I suppose a large part of why I said those things,” she starts again, her words coming slowly as though taking great care to piece together what she wants to say next. “Is because I was worried. I that that maybe you preferred the Blade over us because… you didn’t care about us anymore.”

“You’re not serious, you — you actually—”

Keith hears blood pounding loudly in his ears. After everything they’ve been through, after all the times Keith has sacrificed himself for Voltron’s cause, and the sinking loneliness he feels every time Kolivan has scolded him, Allura’s words pierce him straight through the heart. Keith knows for himself that he is a man of conviction, but to have one of his closest friends interpret that as apathy for the team —

 _I know you’ll make us proud_ , she had said before he left. Was that just a fancy saying, a true reflection of Allura’s diplomatic nature, that didn’t actually hold any real weight? Much like her apologies?

_I just wanted to say I’m sorry._

Keith bows his head and closes his eyes. It feels like they are always saying sorry.

He can’t bear to say it again.

“Forget it,” he says in lieu of further explanation, his finger hovering over the _End Call_ button. “I’m tired. I should probably get to sleep.”

“Wait, I just wanted to—”

— * —

“—say sorry,” she whispers under her breath as the screen goes blank.

_Keith… why?_

The clear, orange tablet stares back at her, as empty as she feels. A lump forms in her throat.

With shaking shoulders, she buries her head in her hands and tries not to cry.

 

* * *

 

Allura doesn’t sleep well that night or the next. Keith’s words continue to echo in her ears, a hollow reverberation that haunts her every thought.

_Was it for my peace of mind, or for yours?_

She’s afraid to tell herself the truth. For the next two days, a constant stream of justifications floods through her mind nonstop.

 _He’s completely missed the point. Misjudged my intentions. It isn’t about_ who’s _peace of mind it’s for. It’s about getting on the same page. It’s about friendship. It’s about resolution. Resolution is about_ everybody’s _peace of mind — isn’t it?_

  
  


 

_Isn’t it?_

 

She closes her eyes and leans against the wall. Hidden away in a corner behind the lounge area, Allura listens closely as Keith’s voice fills the room. He’s talking more than she’s used to about everything going on at his end. He sounds happy, content, at ease. On their side, Shiro chimes in every now and then to give him comments and encouragement. The conversation is open and loose. A level of comfort and closeness that Allura wishes she could achieve with Keith.

It hits her then that that is exactly what she wants. Keith’s familiarity, his words, his hopes, his dreams.

Him.

_What am I doing wrong?_

She stays in silence and secret for the entire conversation. They never bring her up. She doesn’t expect him to.

(But if she were honest with herself, she did. She really, really did.)

 

* * *

 

For the rest of the week Allura finds herself in the training room whenever she can’t sleep. There’s too much plaguing her mind and it’s the best distraction she has aboard the castle.

It’s the third night she’s been here when the door opens through the middle of her session.

At first, she doesn’t notice, too absorbed in sparring with the gladiator. But then, as she knocks the training bot across the room, a loud, high-pitched yelp shakes her out of the zone.

Heart racing, she whips around at once.

“Hunk?” she asks, surprised when her eyes fall upon the Yellow Paladin dressed in his pajamas.

“Oh my god, you scared me,” he says with a long exhale. “I was wondering what all the commotion was.”

“End training sequence!” she calls out to the room.

“Like holy crap, I was freaked out for a moment there,” Hunk continues. “I haven’t heard the late night sounds of combat ever since Keith moved out. I thought we were under attack or something.”

“Oh. Sorry, Hunk,” she says, wincing at the slight twinge in her stomach at the mention of Keith’s name. “What are you doing up so late?”

“Midnight snack,” he shrugs. “What about you?”

Allura sighs and plants her bo staff tip first on the ground. “I can’t sleep.”

To her surprise, Hunk starts to laugh.

“Oh my god, you’re like, totally method acting, aren’t you?” he asks with a grin.

“Come again?”

“On Earth, when actors try to get into their role, they start acting like their character even off of set,” Hunk explains. “Which… I know the coalition’s stressful but there’s no need to keep being Keith when we’re not on screen.”

“Actors? I — What are you—?” she cuts off, deciding she has no mental energy at the moment to try and understand what Hunk is saying. “I know I’m not Keith.”

“Oh, okay, phew,” Hunk says, wiping his forehead, as though this were an actual concern. “Glad to hear it, because method acting can lead to really questionable behavior sometimes.”

Allura raises an eyebrow. “Do I even want to know?”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong,” he says. “It can be very effective. Like I’m sure on some level, if done properly, by immersing themselves fully into the role, the subject can really come to understand the character they’re portraying in a very visceral way.”

Allura pauses, mulling his words over.

“Huh. So am I to understand that if I — er — really wanted to do a convincing job in my role in the coalition show, I’d try to act like Keith all the time?” she asks.

“All the time,” Hunk nods. “And you wouldn’t just _act_ like Keith. You’d literally _become_ him and like, try to get into his mind and everything.”

“Fascinating,” Allura says thoughtfully. But as hard as she’s been trying to see their conflict from Keith’s point of view, she still can’t seem to fully understand him. “But what if the character or person you’re portraying is — er, well. Let’s just say their way of thinking is _vastly_ different.”

“You think you and Keith are vastly different?” Hunk scratches his chin, considering. “I suppose you are the diplomatic type… and Keith is definitely… _not_. You scare me sometimes whereas Keith doesn’t at all. But then again, you’re both very intense people, and neither of you seem to like people that much, even though you’re more likely to act like you do. Also, you two are the most likely to get so one track minded about winning the war that you’d go to extreme lengths to bulldoze your way through. … Are you sure you guys are that different?”

“Well, it certainly seems so,” Allura sighs, looking down at her feet.

“Why do you say that?”

She keeps her head low, trying to decide how to answer. It’s not a topic she wants to openly discuss with anyone but Hunk is her teammate, and he’s stayed to talk with her. Perhaps she ought to give it a chance. They are all family after all.

“If Keith and I aren’t so different,” she says. “Why do we misunderstand each other all the time?”

“Ah,” Hunk nods sagely. “Does this have something to do with why you were eavesdropping on Keith and Shiro’s conversation the other day?”

“What?” Allura blinks up at him, surprised. “You — You saw?”

“Don’t worry, I haven’t talked about it with anyone.” Hunk raises his hands in defense. “Except maybe the space mice. But, you know, they’re connected to your brain so I figured that was okay.”

Allura bites her bottom lip, feeling a sudden need to justify herself. She knows how it looks to be caught eavesdropping and it’s not the impression she wants to leave anyone with.

“You — you must understand,” she begins. “It isn’t anything against Shiro, or Keith. I wasn’t trying to — to invade their privacy with ill intentions. I — I just—”

She sighs. “I just wanted to hear how he was doing.”

Hunk doesn’t respond for a few seconds. When Allura looks up, she sees that his eyes are narrowed at her.

“What?” she asks.

“Okay, so that’s another thing you have in common,” he says, crossing his arms. “Neither of you show it, but you both really care about each other.”

Allura feels her face heat up at once. With a groan, she stalks past Hunk towards the far wall of the training deck to put her bo staff away.

“Goodnight, Hunk,” she calls out as she places her weapon back on the stands.

“What? No, seriously,” Hunk rushes up behind her to stop her from leaving. “I was being serious. You should’ve heard how worried Keith was when he thought you hated him after learning he was Galra.”

Allura pauses at the exit and turns back to look at him, a twinge of guilt tugging at her heart. “He told you he was worried?”

“I mean, it’s Keith,” Hunk says in a tone that suggests Allura ought to know better by now. “So no, not really. But I could tell. He’s straightforward about everything except his own emotions.” He pauses, then gives her a pointed look. “Okay, yeah, so are you sure you still think you two are different people?”

Allura frowns, her mind flitting back and forth between her and Keith. Everything Hunk has said is true. She and Keith are both intense people, focused on winning the war and unopposed to martyring their personal feelings for the greater good. But when it comes to matters between them that reside closer to their hearts, neither of them seem to know how to navigate around the other.

“Keith became upset with me when I tried to apologize,” she thinks out loud.

“What were you apologizing for?” Hunk prompts.

Allura recounts their video conversation, Hunk nodding as he listens. When she finishes, he taps his chin thoughtfully and hums.

“Hmm,” Hunk considers. “So I think Keith is the type of guy that needs a lot of emotional space and it sounds like you caught him in a bad mood. And not only that, he was probably on edge the minute he saw you cornered him alone. I don’t think it’s necessarily either of your faults, but — well, you do sometimes have this tendency to — and please don’t get mad at me—”

He shrinks away while Allura narrows her eyes suspiciously.

“… to bulldoze over people,” he whispers, taking a step back.

Allura gasps.

“I do not bulldoze over people!” she exclaims, taking a threatening step forward. Hunk cringes and backs away further.

“N-not always!” Hunk rushes to amend, waving his hands defensively in front of him. “I just mean, sometimes, when you’re super set on trying to get your point across, like how you didn’t trust the Blade at all at first, you kind of get tunnel vision about it — which, is great by the way, like in battle or in the long term scope of war — but… well. I can see that being frustrating for Keith when all he might’ve wanted to do was to have a familiar and friendly face to talk to again in between his missions.”

Allura pauses, mulling over Hunk’s words. Her stomach twists uncomfortably at the possibility that he might be right. Maybe she _does_ bulldoze. As she wrestles with the ugly truth reflected back about herself, Keith’s voice echoes in her mind.

_Allura, I know you’re mad at me but I’m not in the mood for a lecture._

_I said, I didn’t want a lecture._

_I appreciate you telling me this, but it’s honestly all water under the bridge._

_Was it for my peace of mind, or for yours?_

With a sigh, she furrows her eyebrows and looks down at the floor.

“I suppose you might be right, Hunk,” she tells him. She lets out a groan and kneads her forehead with the heel of her hands. “I’ve got to fix this.”

“Hey, man, just be chill,” Hunk says, placing a hand on her shoulder to calm her. “I’m sure you two will resolve things in no time.”

“Thank you,” she smiles.

“Man,” Hunk says, shaking his head. “You guys are too cute.”

“Stop that,” Allura says, her voice low and dangerous.

“Wow, see,” Hunk laughs. “That was pretty good. It’s almost like I’m talking to Keith. You’ve just got to adjust the attitude a bit more and you’ll be totally in line with his behavior.”

“Shut up. I’m going to bed.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Keith!”

 

* * *

 

Allura stares at Keith’s name on her screen.

For the past thirty minutes she’s been sitting in her bed, hair down, in her nightgown, contemplating the call. After throwing herself into a loop of picking up her tablet, staring at Keith’s name, then tossing it aside, only to repeat the cycle all over again, she still hesitates upon just pressing the damn button and driving herself past the point of no return.

What is she even so afraid of?

But even as she asks herself the question, a flood of answers come rushing to her head — his look of disappointment when he sees that it’s her, him rushing to hang up even before she can speak, how she might not even be able to speak and stumble over her words in all her nervous anxiety, how he might not want to hear them anyway, how he might not even be available at the moment, how —

How every time they try to do what’s best for the other, they only end up hurting each other again.

Allura sighs.

It felt like they were always saying sorry.

Why bother trying?

 _No,_ a voice combats aggressively in her head. _Just grit your teeth, Allura, and press the button._

Before she can second guess herself again, she closes her eyes and jabs her finger on Keith’s name.

The dial tone follows. It rings three times, and then—

_Call rejected._

Allura feels her heart sink. Perhaps Keith had suspected it was her based on the hour of the phone call and had therefore decided not to accept. Either way, she lets the tablet fall in her lap as cold disappointment settles at the pit of her stomach.

She decides to give up and is about to slide under the covers to stew in her sadness when out of nowhere, the device buzzes. Startled, Allura nearly kicks it off her bed as her legs give a surprised jerk at the sudden vibrations. Catching it just in time before it slides off the edge of her mattress, she quickly brings it back up to her face and swipes to accept the call.

Keith appears before her on screen, clad as usual in his Blade suit. He’s looking much better this time, with the bruises and cuts having healed by now, and as much as Allura misses him as a Paladin, she has to admit — the Marmora outfit is a good look.

Trying not to focus on this, she clears her mind and her throat.

“Hello,” she says breathlessly, her heart still pounding fast from the sudden callback.

“Sorry,” Keith returns in lieu of a greeting. “You called right when I was trying to, so I accidentally rejected you.”

“Oh!” A wave of relief washes over her. “No problem at all. Er — were you trying to reach the rest of the team?”

“No.” He settles down in his own bed and curls himself into the corner. “Just you. Figured my chances were good if I called at this hour.”

Allura feels her cheeks heat up and looks down at once, trying not to smile. She’s here for a serious conversation, not to let herself get flustered.

“Um — I wanted to talk to you, too,” she says, her eyes shifting up to gauge his reaction. “I’m sorry about last time, I — I never meant to upset you. I thought about what you said. I was so focused on getting you to accept my apology that I completely failed to consider your feelings. You were right. It wasn’t for your peace of mind, it was solely for mine.”

“Allura,” Keith says. “It’s… not you. This time, it’s me. I agree with what you just said but I’m sorry, too. I guess I kind of overreacted.”

“How do you mean?” Allura asks, wanting to hear more.

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I guess when I was splitting my time in between Voltron and the Blade, it felt like everybody just assumed that I didn’t care about them enough.”

Allura nods along, staying silent so that he has more space to speak.

“I know I let a lot of people down over the past few months,” Keith continues, “but it doesn’t mean I don’t care about them. The work that the Blades do — it’s a mission I have to be on. It has nothing to do with how much I care about you guys as a team.”

“I think I understand now,” Allura says. “I am sorry I assumed otherwise.”

Keith looks down and off to the side of the screen, thinking. Allura waits for him to gather his thoughts.

“I guess I’m not the best at showing others I care,” Keith says.

When he looks back up at her, he’s smiling. She can’t help but smile back.

“But it’s like you once said to me,” he adds. “I see you and the other paladins as my family. The fact that I care about you shouldn’t have to be questioned.”

“Thank you for the reassurance,” she says. “It is helpful to know. I am sorry for trying to force an apology on you.”

“Allura.” He shakes his head with a smile. “I don’t need an apology from you. We’re friends. I just your faith. So don’t worry. You won’t lose my sense of duty to the team, or to you.”

She stares back at him as her heart swells. It’s the most sincere thing she’s heard from a friend in a while. She can’t tell if it’s the trick of tablet or the dim lighting of her room, but the way his face glows from the light of the screen makes Keith’s features look softer than usual. It does nothing to slow the pounding of her heart.

“Anyway,” he says, frowning a little. “I hate to do this but I should probably go to sleep. Have to get up in 3 hours for a mission.”

“Keith,” she blurts out, her pulse racing.

“Yeah?” His voice is low and soft like velvet.

A pause.

“We miss you,” she says, her fingers resting on the surface over his face. “ _I_ miss you.”

Keith blinks in surprise, clearly taken aback, but by the next tick, he’s smiling back at her.

“Me too.”

Allura drops her gaze, feeling her cheeks heat up.

“Come back to us soon, will you?” she asks.

Keith’s eyes glow fierce and determined as he nods.

“I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hello to me on tumblr [@flusteredkeith](https://flusteredkeith.tumblr.com) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/flusteredkeith)!
> 
> If you liked this work, check out some of my other Kallura fics!
> 
> [Catch Me if I Fall](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10210058): My first Kallura fic ever! Written right after S2, a slow burn of me exploring how they could have gotten together.
> 
> [it's quiet out here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10601958): Kallura drabble of their time stuck in the pod together during S2.
> 
> [shop 'til your heart drops](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10943253): Allura takes Keith shopping for his birthday gift. Feelings and shenanigans ensue.


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